I have been compelled to create this website to warn wayward Christians of the dangers of backsliding.
I have destroyed myself because of my backsliding.
I will tell you my story.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My father was an alcoholic war vet and was quite often violent and my mother suffered from schizophrenia. It was a nightmare household and I spent most of my time on the streets with my friends getting into crime and drugs. I was very lonely, suffered from low self-esteem and was suicidal. I also had some mental illness problems myself. Them one day while in despair I cried out to God to save me. Things started to happen and I felt the presence of a spirit in my life. I was lead by this spirit to read the Gospel and while reading I fell in love with Jesus. I prayed to God to find a church for me with like minded people and received a newsletter in my letterbox from a Non-denominational Church of Christ. I contacted that church and became a member of their congregation. Not long after that I was baptized at the age of 16 and received the Holy Spirit. It was amazing. I felt this incredible light, peace and joy in my heart that could only have come from God. I had this huge smile on my face that you could not be wiped off. I WAS SAVED!
I wanted to tell everybody about Christ. I received a-lot of persecution because of my Christianity. I was mocked, ridiculed and threatened by family and so called friends. It took its toll on me. Over time I had some problems, but did not fall away. Eventually one of my older brothers got me to move in with him and his wife so he could get me out of religion. He celebrated when I said I no longer went to church. I was devastated and felt like I was Judas. I still believed. He and his wife were marijuana smokers and before long I was smoking as well. This really screwed me up in the head.
Over the years I was dependant on marijuana again and becoming stranger in my thinking. I still loved Christ and often thought of returning to church. I missed my friends at church and loved them dearly, but felt unworthy to go to church. As the years past on my righteousness and my morals were chipped away. I never intended for that to happen. The Holy Spirit called me, but I resisted. I was also hanging out with my old group of friends. As time past, I was sleeping with various women, was saying some of the most disgusting things and my drinking was getting out of hand and I was having a hard time keeping my sanity. I was going from one woman to another. I felt terribly insecure and stressed out. Eventually I crashed and my health failed me completely. I ended up with a terrible fever which ended up leaving me bed ridden for many years and utterly destroyed my life. I felt that God had caught up with me and chastised me severely, but the most stupid thing was I did not repent. Over the years the illness wore me down and I felt totally burned out. I had reached the end of the road. I felt utterly empty, lonely, broken and frighten and cried to God to save me. I begged for forgiveness and have changed my ways, but I feel like I have lost my salvation. I continue to pray to God everyday to restore me, but I feel that I have left it too late and that I’m finished. I’m now 50 years old and look over my life and can see where I made all the mistakes. I should have stayed with the church and endured my trials, things would have worked out for me and I would have had a fantastic life. My biggest mistake was smoking marijuana, that stuff can really mess your brain chemistry up and ruin your life. I’m the only one to blame for my predicament. I ran from my responsibility. I miss the Holy Spirit and the purpose God gives you in your life. I wish I never came up this path, but I hope that I can prevent others from following me.
Backsliding can start off with your faith intact and gradually progress to total defilement of your heart and conscience. I now regret my actions; I wish I did not do or say the things I did. My sin is like a curse that burns me and it will burn you too if you take God’s grace for granted. I hate the person I have become.
Proverbs 1: 20-33
If you are a Christian my message to you is to be watchful and don’t backslide. This means that you have to keep your faith in Christ strong and not neglect yourself spiritually. For the Master will come at time when you are not expecting him (Luke 12:35-48; Matthew 25:1-13). READ THESE VERSES. This not only refers to his second coming, but also to a time when he may come and take what is his away from you, like his Holy Spirit and the gifts that come with that, namely righteousness, wisdom and love. You will be left empty, dead and without HOPE. You will have feelings of loneliness, fear and regret. Don’t ruin your relationship with the Lord! Don’t go there!! DON’T BACKSLIDE!!! I can’t emphasize that enough.
Maybe you’re having some spiritual problems or maybe you don’t like the church you go to, that’s fine, you will sort those problems out, but just don’t embrace sin and turn your back on God. Talk to your Pastor/Minister about your problem or talk to a fellow Christian about any problems you are having or even just talk to God. You can also discuss your problem anonymously on a Christian forum website.
If you are a backslider. TURN BACK NOW!!! You may have time and be able to repent and restore your relationship with the Lord and your heart. You will have love and security for eternity. Be honest with yourself, is there anything better in this world than a relationship with God? Your life in this world is very short and will be over before you know it and that’s when you will need Christ. Don’t leave it too late otherwise you may sear your conscience and you won’t be able to repent. Don’t be a fool like me.
I don’t want any of you following my path!
“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”
I hope I have helped you?
PAUL
